Ugh, there are always those certain foods that find their way into the nooks and crannies of your teeth. Right now, I'm going to go on a rant about some of those foods. Okay? Although I don't really care if you're okay with it, because you actually don't exist. No one reads this... Okay I'm going to start now...
CORN ON THE COB
Corn can be one of THE MOST irritating foods to eat. Ever.
There you are, innocently eating your dinner on an average night. Then you decide that you're in the mood for your corn! You're not thinking, all that's going through your mind is "I want corn. Omnomnomnomnomnom..." You reach for the corn, sealing your fate. You take your first bites... more... more.. you feel the nuisance settling in your teeth... another bite.. and another...
Finished.
Now you realize the mistake you've made. Now that the corn has used all of it's deceitful delicious-ness powers up, you're left with the demons.
There's alllllll these little corn skin things stuck in between your teeth and your tongue just isn't strong enough to push them out. Quickly, you must decide whether to A) Find a toothpick and ATTAAAAACK THE CORN! or B) Just wait a while and hope that they disappear and fade out of your teeth...
Either way, the corn will lose. It will fall down your throat and die a painful death in your stomach acids. Revenge is oh so sweet.
BACON. REALLY CRISPY BACON.
Well I doubt this has happened to anyone other than my dysfunctional self, but bacon has caused me some EXTREME difficulties.
So after the Westminster Choir (I love them so much) performed Fiddler on the Roof on Sunday, May 2nd, we all went out to a diner near our town. My friend wanted these things called V-fries (French fries + cheese + bacon = delicious) and I kindly offered to help eat them.
That was a mistake.
I take a bite. SO DELICIOUS.
Second bite. DELICIO- wait... Aw crud! I got a piece of bacon stuck between my permanent retainer and my teeth! Greeeeeat.
Arg. Nnnnnnn. Uhhhh. YES! Got it out!... now for more- Oh my sweet mother of mercy! My freaking retainer broke of my teeth! COOL, BACON, COOL.
Because of this little mishap, I had to go to the orthodontist. They had to put that yucky gross glue stuff on it and it tasted awful! It was just an annoying, non-bacon-tastic experience. But now it's all better and me and bacon are friends again... and by that I mean I eat the bacon and it takes it like the piggly wiggly it is... was.
SPINACH/LETTUCE.
How GREAT is it when you get a piece of spinach/lettuce stuck between your teeth? Isn't it just the BEST?!
Ha.
You're just simply eating your spinach-y or lettuce-y food, enjoying it's tastiness and praising it for the extreme awesome-ness it contains. You finish up, burp a burp of content, and carry on with your day.
Little did you know that this delicious treat was actually filled with EVIL. PURE TOXIC VIOLENT EEEEVIL.
You leave (where you ate) and are on your way down the street to something probably stupid and/or uninteresting. You're blissfully trotting down the street with a huge grin on your face and you're feeling pretty "fly."
You actually look like an idiot. Honestly, people walking down the street will see you and spontaneously combust due to your stupidity. That one tiny piece of bitchass food will ruin your entire life and cause people to asplode. Not fun.
